APRIL FOOL'S DAY

Everyday is considered fool's day, everyone has their own share of foolishness.

It is just a matter of how you deal with every situation that is one way or another making you feel that you've been fooled and how to also make a fool out of someone.

After all the tragedies that I've been through there came a point when I needed to play

"The Game of Fools"

It started when I met someone lately who I thought can make me fall inlove again, I didn't like her physically at first, but when we had a chance to "know each other" I somehow felt satisfied in a moment. I tried to convince myself to like her deeply but there was something in her and the things that she did made me fear that I would not be able to get out of that "relationship" if it'll keeps on goin on. With the help of my colleagues, at the moment that we were "knowing each other", something suddenly just strucked me and made me decide rightaway to end up whatever "relationship" we may have...She got mad at me because she thought that I was for real, but I wasn't.

AND THAT WAS AN EXAMPLE OF ME MAKING A FOOL OUT OF HER!

Then came another women who I suppose to have known way back but just didn't have the chance to...

We met at a bar with some common friends. I felt excited seeing her finally after missing lots of chances before. As expected, they tried to hook me up with her which ended up successfully. We had a chance to "know each other" that same night that I met her. She was sweet and charming but there was something in her that was lacking when it comes to "knowing each other". Days have passed and we managed to have a constant communication and there were several times that she visited me at my place. I felt comfortable whenever she would sleep beside me, but she was really not fond of doing "knowing each other" activities. My colleagues would tell me that it's better if she's sweet 'coz I could atleast feel the sincerity, which made me decide to pursue her. Unfortunately, she keeps on telling me that she is still not ready for a more serious relationship. I tried to understand her and thought that she just needed more time know me better. Days came by... she no longer texted me, responded to my texts and emails...I thought she was for real, but she isn't.

AND THIS WAS AN EXAMPLE OF ME BEING FOOLED!

Another month has passed,

relationships were broken,

laughters were shared,

happy memories were cherished,

but at the end of the day, there is still emptiness

that i feel inside of me.

Nothing and no one could ever compare to the happiness and satisfaction that I've felt when I was still with Yhen. People would tell me to move on, there were alot of distractions along the way but after everything, I still feel that something is missing.

Every single day that is passing by is another day of longing... hoping to seeing her again...

Is there really existence after death? would we see each other again if I die? Would she know me still? Would I feel her again?... I can no longer fight this battle of melancholy, seems that I can't get out of this...

song for yhen

I wonder what you're doing now? I wonder how you're feeling now?
It's been so long since we saw each other,
and that was the last time that I felt you close to me.
Whatever happened then... Tragedy, that's what I remember...

We had wonderful years together, ups and downs, joys and pains, but we managed to hold each other tight, after all the rain, with you in my arms...just seeing you smile makes me feel that I can live again

chorus:

"Time heals all wounds" that's what they say, but
Why? does it have to be this way?
Should I stay or should I go? I don't know, I hope you tell me so...



...this song was written September 21, 2008, Yhen's birthday. obviously it was one of my lonliest days coz I wasn't able to see her during this special day, I wanted to see her that time but the consequences would be so complicated if I did. I greatfully regret it though 'coz it could have been her last birthday that we could've spent together...

eulogy

I''m not much of a blogger, this is actually the first time that I will attempt to create a blog

I was inspired by tolkienreader that's why I am doing this now, and most of all, I want my friends and relatives to know my wishlist once I die.

Just for the past three months, I already lost two of the special persons in my life, my girlfriend, Maria Theresa "Yhen" Tabije and my uncle/father Ed Tenorio. I don't know why these things are happening to me right now but i know and I always believe that there are reasons why God is giving me these trials. Im so thankful that I always have my bestfriend Jen with me as well as Paul and Gersie, my relatives and collegues are also there to support me all the way.

I sometimes feel that I just wanna die because I don't see any sense at all why I am still here. They are my life, they're my inspiration and they're the ones who keeps me going. I even told Jen that I can no longer afford if she also leave me and asked her to tell me if she's about to die which is impossible 'coz no one can tell when are we gonna die.

With that, I hope that one of my friends would check out my blog and would know what I would want to happen in case I die early:
Here's Burial/Interment wishlist:

1. Pls don't dress me with a gown or skirt, I want all white motif
2. I don't want to much make-up
3. I want my hair brushed-up
4. I want my hands on top of my stomach just like Yhen's
5. I want Tito Ed's and Yhen's belongings to be inside my casket
6. I want everyone at my wake to enjoy by drinking, singing and gambling.
7.I want joyful gospel songs (hillsongs) to be sang during my last wake.
8. I would want Jen to play Blackbird (Beatles) for me.
9.I would want Jen to prepare for my funeral songs:
* Hallelujah- Imogen Heap
* Hide and seek - Imogen Heap
* Angel- Sarah Mclachlan
* My Immortal - Evanescence
* Gone too soon- Michael Jackson
*Bella's Lullabye- Twilight
10. I don't want Jen to leave my side
11. If it's possible, I would want Up dharma down to sing at my funeral or Jinky of Freestyle.
12. I would also want Gina and Riza to sing for me
13. I want Gersie and Paul to be in charge of my Necrological Services
14. I would also want Anna to come home to bury me
15. I want mama Joy to arrange a flower bouquet for me.
16. I don't own too much possesion for now, but just in case, I would want my drumset to be handed over to Isiah and our appliances to Mama and kuya Bhunnie.
17. Here are some of the persons that I would want to give me eulogies:
*Ate Janet
*Ate Ghette
* Kuya Bhunnie
* Mama Joy
* Isiah
*Forum
* Colleagues (HSBC, SITEL, APAC)
* Bi-Laguna friends
* Downelink/ Lezpinay friends
*Highschool and College friends
* If possible...ex flings and girlfriends ;P


These are the major things that I would want to happen if I die, If you want to add further suggestions, you're always to free to comment...

(by the way...Jen I have a written self-eulogy on my files inside my drawer, you can also read it at my Necrological service)